Wanting
by TamChronin
Summary: Tomoyo and Sakura have been drifting apart over the years. Now twenty, the two realize that they miss each other, but there is a lot more to it than that. When Sakura kidnaps Tomoyo from her office one day, what will they resolve?
1. A Distance

Author's Note: This story is a "satellite" story of Solace, a Syaoran/Eriol story I completed already. There are also other stories in that series, but they all stand alone rather well. Yes, sure, they are intertwined, but you don't have to read any of them to appreciate this one. Likewise, you don't have to read this one to appreciate the others. Still, if you like this, you might also like one of the others in the series. Also, because of those other stories in the series, this one will probably be updated more slowly. Sumimasen. I update as inspiration hits me, and I've been working on the first chapter of this for **months**. I don't know if that will change just because I posted the first chapter.

I don't own any characters contained herein. I swear. I just play with 'em in their off-hours and send 'em back to work when they need to leave. Don't sue me, I assure you that they love it here just as much as I do.

This story contains shoujo ai, two girls in love. It talks about shounen ai also, two guys in love, though they aren't the main focus. If this isn't your thing, well, what the heck are you reading *MY* stories for? lol That's all I've written since my world was revolutionized by the beauty of CCS. So please, do us a favor, and don't read my story if anything "gay" bothers you. We'll both be happier. =)

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Wanting

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A Distance

"Daidouji-san is away from the desk right now, may I take a message?" Those too-polite words assaulted Sakura's ears again, bringing a frown to her normally cheerful face. Messages and messages, but no real calls anymore. Before Tomoyo had started working with her mother they had been best friends and talked so often they knew everything. Now--?

"No, that's okay. I'll call again some other time or see her or--something." Sakura hung up, realizing that she had heard the secretary's voice more often than Tomoyo's in the last few months. _Tomoyo-chan, what's happened to us?_

The pit of loneliness grew within her day by day. At least each time Syaoran had to return home, she had had Tomoyo there to talk to and be friends with. Now she wasn't sure who to turn to. Chiharu was studying abroad. Naoko and Yamazaki were wrapped up in each other, newlyweds. Rika was in that mysterious motherhood-world that only other mothers seemed to understand, and she was pregnant again also. None of them understood all of what Sakura would want to talk about anyway. They didn't know about the magic. They didn't understand so many of the things that were most important in her life, even though there were no more magical emergencies going on. It was still important, still set her apart, and still gave her a twinge of loneliness when she realized that there was a part of her life that almost everyone in the world just wouldn't understand.

Sakura went through the list of people she could talk to who knew her secret. Otou-san--wasn't really a friend. He was too much of an authority figure for her to pour her heart out to. Onii-chan--was perfectly beastly to deal with, and still teased her like she was a little kid, even though she was twenty now. Yukito-san. Or Yue-san. They were one now. Sakura frowned. She didn't want to burden him with her petty problems right now. He had seemed a bit withdrawn lately, ever since Eriol-san had moved back from England six months ago. And, of course, there was Eriol-san. He was dealing with his own problems. He and Mizuki-sensei had broken up, and there was something very different about him now. Something Sakura had no idea how to deal with. She just knew she couldn't put her own problems on his shoulders now.

That left Tomoyo. Only, Tomoyo was also too busy.

Or Kero-chan.

Sakura heaved a huge sigh, returning to her bedroom again to talk to her sun guardian. He was wonderful, he was kind, he was even wise at times, but Kero-chan knew NOTHING about relationships. Well, talking to him was better than not talking at all.

~~~~~@~~~~~

Tomoyo came home from work late again. Her purse landed unceremoniously on a chair, then her coat was draped over it with weary hands. She went to the fridge right away, opened a bottled water, then returned to the living room and collapsed on the sofa. It took a few minutes of sitting there before she began to feel remotely human again. 

These days she felt more like her mother's shadow than anything else.

She finally sat up with a sigh, thankful that she wasn't living with her mother anymore. She had privacy and a place to be herself for those precious hours she didn't have to dedicate to the company.

Tomoyo finally looked at the clock. So late. Would Sakura even be awake? She still lived at home with her father while she went to college, so it wouldn't be polite to call so late. If one wasn't asleep the other would be.

Loneliness had become such a part of her life that it took her a while to realize that the feeling of something missing was her friends. _Can I still call them friends after all this time?_ She walked over to the piano in the corner and began picking out a lonely tune. Tomoyo had picked up enough of the piano to teach herself new songs back in high school. Soon the lonely melody broke way into scales as she warmed up her voice. She smiled wistfully as she remembered her dreams of standing on a stage and becoming famous for her voice. Then her voice broke before she reached the high A.

And when her voice broke, so did her spirits.

She abandoned the piano, seeking the haven of her bedroom, reminding herself that this was the only place dreams belonged. Dreams were just dreams after all. She could wish and hope and dream all she wanted, but when reality crashed over her she was still alone in her spacious apartment and spent her days behind a desk. She was proud of the company, and she wasn't about to give it up, but every night her regrets caught up with her.

As she sobbed into her pillow she tried to remember when the last time she hadn't cried herself to sleep was. More importantly though, she wondered when she would stop.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"Let me get this straight...you are talking to me because Tomoyo is too busy for you and you miss her?"

Sakura frowned. That's what the conversation had become, but that wasn't what she had come upstairs to talk to him about. "No, I'm talking to you because Syaoran is coming back and he's been away longer than ever this time and--"

"He's coming back? Why didn't you say so in the first place?"

The frown grew. "I thought I did...."

"Nope, this is the first time I'm hearing about it." Kero looked amused.

"Well...you and Syaoran never got along that well anyway...and you're a great friend but you don't know as much as Tomoyo does about relationships...so I guess I just started talking about her because I wish I could talk to her right now."

"So, why don't you just call her?"

Sakura frowned. "I don't know, she seems to be too busy for me lately."

"Call her now, she's bound to be home from work by now."

"She's probably asleep. She gets to work very early in the morning most of the time."

Kero's eyes gleamed suddenly and a small smile slipped across his face. "I have an idea."

It was insane. There was no way it would work. But, as Sakura listened, then thought it over, she started smiling as well.

"Do you think it would really work?"

"You never know until you try, do you?"

"Kero, would you please return to your true form?"

The plushie-sized guardian blinked in surprise. "Wh-what for?"

"So I can give you a huge hug!"

He happily complied with his Mistress's command.

~~~~~@~~~~~

"Kinomoto Sakura is here to see you, Daidouji-san."

Tomoyo looked at the intercom with wide eyes for a moment before the words could sink in. "Send her in, please."

She jumped up from her chair behind the gigantic desk with girlish enthusiasm and met Sakura with a hug before the door was more than simply opened. "Sakura-chan! I haven't seen you in...in...."

"It's been three months," Sakura said gently.

"Has it really? That long? No wonder I've missed you so much."

They walked into the office, sitting down on a couch that rested off to the side. Sakura seemed to look startled at how comfortable it was, but Tomoyo was used to it. She had made sure it was comfortable--she'd had to take plenty of naps on it over the last couple of years. A few occasions had even prompted her to spend the night on that couch, though that was rare.

"So, Sakura-chan, what brings you here today?"

"You're my best friend, do I need a reason?"

Tomoyo smiled, though her heart gave a little pang. "Of course not. It's only that, well, I have a lot of paperwork to do today, and some--"

"No."

Tomoyo blinked. "Sumimasen, Sakura-chan, demo--"

"I said no. No paperwork, no meetings, no employee reviews, or interviews, or anything else you can think of to put this off. I'm sorry, but I'm kidnapping you."

"You're...you're joking, right?"

Sakura reached into her purse and pulled out a pink book that Tomoyo recognized immediately. "I'm not joking," she said sadly, opening the book and pulling out a few cards.

"You're threatening me?" Tomoyo's voice was suddenly chill, a tone she'd never used around her friends, but a tone that had become more and more necessary as she found herself wrapped up in the business world.

"Tomoyo-chan, I already spoke to your mother. She said--"

"She has no idea how much work I put into the company, and I do it all for her sake. She should not have said anything, she doesn't know what I have to do today, and I'm falling behind just from talking to you this long. I'm sorry, Sakura-chan, but I have to get back to work."

"No."

Tomoyo was already walking back to her desk, swallowing the pain in her heart. How could she explain to Sakura--?

No.

"I must ask you to leave now. Today is a busy day. I can set aside a few hours next Sunday, but I have so much to do that--"

"Tomoyo, for the sake of the friendship we used to have, please forgive me."

Forgive her? Tomoyo turned around with a puzzled frown. That didn't sound like Sakura was about to just leave, or even try to persuade her more. She may have allowed herself to be persuaded--until Sakura mentioned her mother.

That was neither here nor there.

Sakura was holding out three cards. Mirror. Fly. And Sleep.

Tomoyo's eyes went wide in shock as she realized what was about to happen. The familiar chanting began, invoking the sealing staff and then the Sleep card, while Tomoyo was frozen.

__

I can't believe she's doing this, Tomoyo thought, and then darkness fell over her.


	2. What Now?

Author's Notes: Welcome to another installment of my fic. So, Sakura kidnapped Tomoyo? O.o I can't believe it either! ~gasps~ (Okay, okay, I can. I wrote it after all.) And why is Tomoyo acting...well, the way she's acting? Don't worry, mysteries will be explained as the fic goes on. Of course. Have I let you down yet? 

Oh yes, about Naoko and Yamazaki...I'm mixing up couples left and right now! ~giggles~ I just thought it would be an interesting change. And...it could happen. Chiharu is overseas. Yes, yes, I know it opens me up to another story in the saga. Maybe I'll be lucky and it will express itself in a oneshot. ~weary sigh~ 

AtomBunny, Kira, Askani Blue, L-chan, Nouchi, Alba, Yuri Fan, Ice Angel Dark Moon, Peacewish, Natsu, and Snowykittenz...THANK YOU!!! It's a departure from my norm, I know. I'm happy that I'm getting reviews for it though! Yay! Life is good.... 

On with the show. 

**Wanting**

_Now What?_

When Tomoyo woke up she didn't know where she was. Sunlight streamed in and hit her in the face through white lace curtains. It diffused the harsh nature of the light slightly, but the brightness was still enough to call her from the magic-induced sleep. 

_I can't believe she did this to me._

Tomoyo just couldn't seem to wrap her mind around the concept that her sweet and innocent best friend had just kidnapped her, abusing her magic to get her way. It just wasn't like her. 

She stood wearily, rubbing absently at her eyes. As she looked around she realized she was in Sakura's room. It had just been redecorated since the last time she was here, but the windows and the slant of the ceiling gave it away. 

"Why? Why would Sakura-chan, of all people, do something like this?" 

She wasn't surprised when Kero poked his head out of the desk drawer. "Well, you see, I kinda mentioned that she should if you didn't want to listen. How was I supposed to know she'd take me seriously this time, of all times?" 

"Kero-chan, this isn't funny. I'm a very busy woman these days." 

"Will the world end if you don't finish your day at work today?" 

"Don't be so melodramatic. The fate of the world does not depend on me talking to Sakura-chan." 

He floated closer, folding his arms across his chest and piercing her with the small black eyes he had in his false form. Those eyes were like obsidian buttons, glittering in the light, and for the first time ever Tomoyo found that somewhat ominous. "Tomoyo, you know that Sakura is a very powerful sorceress. You never know when the fate of the world will come into question if you cross someone that powerful." 

Tomoyo just laughed. "This is Sakura-chan we're talking about! She would never harm a soul! She is too kind, and too happy." 

"I'm sure you thought that before today she would never abuse her magic to hold someone against their will, no matter who suggested it." 

Tomoyo immediately shut up. He had a very good point. 

~~~~~@~~~~~ 

Sakura was downstairs, wondering what on earth she would say to her best friend. It had hit her half way home what she had actually done. She had been flying at the time still, and nearly dropped Tomoyo when the thought had occurred to her that she had used magic to force her friend to do something against her will. Sakura was shivering with reaction as she tried to think of a way to make it all right. 

"I can't believe I did this," she said out loud to the empty living room. It was supposed to be a playful gesture. It was supposed to be something to give Tomoyo an excuse to do what she actually wanted, not some nefarious scheme where her own will was more important than anyone else. 

She had to admit now though, it had gotten out of hand. It had become a contest of wills, and for some reason Sakura had felt the need to prove herself. She would not admit defeat, not against someone who-- 

Someone who-- 

Someone who treated her as if she was less than she was. 

Tears slipped down Sakura's face. Was it really so important that she have someone to talk to? 

No, nothing was worth this. With leaden feet Sakura began the long walk up the stairs and to her room, the same room she'd lived in for as long as she could remember. She dismissed the Lock card absently, opening the door with a heavy heart. She didn't even look up as she held the door open, knowing that Tomoyo would be awake now. 

"I'm sorry, Tomoyo-chan. I should never have done this. You're free to go, and I'll understand if you never want to see me again." The words were said in a hushed voice, low and heavy with tears. She held in sobs with all of her willpower as she waited, watching the floor so she would know when Tomoyo finally walked past. 

Her heart nearly stopped when Tomoyo's high-heeled feet didn't continue past, but stopped before her. Her best friend's arms were suddenly holding her close, and Sakura found herself sobbing into Tomoyo's shoulder. Both were murmuring words of apology and reassurance to each other, clinging tight as if they'd never let go. 

~~~~~@~~~~~ 

Once they both calmed down, Tomoyo was left looking at Sakura with another pain in her heart. Still, she smiled and stayed for the day, realizing that Sakura would never have done something like this without reason. "Sakura-chan, why did you do this?" she asked gently. 

"It all just got out of hand. I needed someone to talk to, and I've just been so lonely, I've felt so alone lately." 

"Yes, but what was so important that you need to talk about?" 

Sakura looked startled for a moment. "I can't believe I almost forgot what started all of this in the first place. Syaoran is coming back. Soon." 

"I'm so happy for you! It's been months this time, hasn't it?" 

"Almost an entire year," Sakura said softly, shaking her head. "We've been calling each other and writing letters a lot, but--" She shrugged, unsure what to say. 

"What's wrong?" 

"I think he's going to propose." 

Tomoyo started to smile, pulling herself up to exclaim her congratulations, but she stopped herself. "Sakura-chan, aren't you happy about that?" 

"I don't know. Ten years ago I couldn't wait for this moment. I knew that when we were ready, we would make this our happily ever after, and I would be with him forever. I should be happy. This should be the greatest moment of my life. He's been talking about the future and how he'll take care of everything for me, and all I can think of is 'what if I don't want to be taken care of?'" 

Tomoyo patted her friend on the shoulder carefully, but Sakura still felt like she might break. "There, there. It's okay. It's natural to get cold feet." 

"But...Tomoyo-chan...what if I don't love him anymore? We've been together so long, I don't know what I'd do without him, but what if I look at him when he comes back, and all I can think of is I love him the same way I do Onii-chan now?" She didn't dare admit that she was throwing these what ifs out because that's how she had felt the last time Syaoran was here. Sakura had simply been too scared to say anything about it to anyone. 

"I've heard that it's common to get nervous before something like this. You should wait and see. I'm sure, once he gets here, you'll have that same spark between the two of you as when he left." 

Even Tomoyo didn't understand. Sakura tried to smile, tried to be hopeful, but her heart was breaking. She couldn't hold it in for long though, and tears began to slide down her face again. "What if you're wrong?" 

Sakura found herself wrapped again in Tomoyo's embrace. She found it easier to cry with her face pressed against Tomoyo's shoulder. The tears began to flow faster and harder, until a gentle hand began to gently rub her back. The touch sent shivers down her spine; soothing the ach her doubts had begun. 

"If you see him, and that's how you feel, we'll deal with it then. I'll be there for you no matter what, okay?" 

The sincerity in Tomoyo's voice was absolute. It didn't even cross her mind to question her friend after the trouble she had gone through earlier in the day. At that moment Sakura would have believed anything that Tomoyo said though...as long as she could stay in her best friend's arms. Nothing had ever felt more right. 


	3. Hearts of Glass

Author's Note: So, why does this story take me so long to update? Gah! I wish I knew. It seems I can crank out the yaoi/shounen ai without hesitation, but this? Maybe it's just too dear to my heart. Anyway, I'm sorry it takes me so long to update! Can you forgive me? I'll try to have another one sooner, but I can't promise. I love this story so much, but I end up staring at it for hours, wondering where to take it next. 

Story of my life. 

Thank you to Darkness In Heart, Snowykittenz, Alezia, Askani Blue, L-chan, Emii-chan, and Marina for your reviews last chapter. I'm so glad you're reading this! Remember, reviews make Tam write faster, and we all want that, right? ~hugs~ Thank you! 

_**Wanting** _

Hearts of Glass 

Tomoyo calmly sipped her tea, manicured nails tapping lightly on the surface of the cup, the soft clicking being the only thing that betrayed her conflicted emotions. Many people wouldn't have noticed, but to Hiiragizawa Eriol it was a red flag. This was a habit Tomoyo had long since tried to break, and only Eriol really understood how upset she must be to fall back on the little mannerism. 

"Tomoyo-chan, what happened this week?" 

Her lips turned down at first and her eyes grew distant before a perfectly cheerful smile replaced it. It was the slightest hint of an expression, but it spoke volumes between the best friends. "Why would you think anything happened?" she asked innocently. 

"Possibly the same way you knew that Kaho had moved back with her parents last month. It's the little things. You do it too." His smile was kind and patient, but firm. They were friends now. They didn't hide things from each other. 

She instantly deflated, her perfect posture becoming an unusual slouch as if the weight of her thoughts pressed upon her physically. "I do want to talk about it, but I'm still trying to figure out how. It was so strange." She trailed off for a moment, and then looked up, meeting Eriol's eyes. "Sakura-chan kidnapped me." 

He blinked in surprise a few times before masking his expression by taking a sip of tea. "I can't say I'm not surprised--that does seem very strange--but I am surprised that she had to. I thought that you..." He trailed off, looking out the window. 

He didn't have to say it. "Sometimes it's just easier to not see her at all. When I was little it was enough to know that she was happy, but it's not anymore. She's doesn't love me the way I love her, and every time she says his name I hurt. They're going to be together forever, and I'm going to be just like my mother. I always looked up to her, but I don't want to be her. When do I get a choice?" 

Eriol set his cup down and walked over to her. "Tomoyo, you don't need me to tell you that you aren't your mother. You have always been your own person." 

She seemed to be beyond listening. "I would have just gone with her, but she went to my mother first. I always get that, from everyone else, and it hurt so much to hear her say she asked my mother. It was the first time I ever didn't want to spend time with her, and I was so confused. My kawaii Sakura-chan who could do no wrong had done the one thing that would hurt me more than anything else now, and she didn't realize it. I knew, at that moment, that there was no hope that she'd ever love me the way I love her. I didn't realize I'd been holding onto the hope so long, but it was there, and losing it hurt more than I imagined it ever could." 

Eriol kneeled beside her chair, pulling her into his arms while she started to cry. "I wish I could tell you it will all be okay, but I've never been good at discerning matters of the heart. Don't lose hope though, you'll find happiness. It may not be with Sakura-chan, but you'll find someone." He smiled as he lifted her face upward, gently drying her eyes. 

"I hope so. I really hope so. I used to think it was sweet, how Okaa-san still loved Nadeshiko all those years, but now it's frightening. I don't want to be her, but every day at work I hear how I'm following in her footsteps. If only they knew...." 

He hugged her close now, and she sighed heavily into his shoulder. They were two broken hearts, barely holding each other together. The thought crossed his mind once again to ask her, to offer her a relationship, but he couldn't do it. He didn't love her, and she didn't love him. He couldn't do that to himself again. 

"Somehow, things will work out," he said, unsure if he was trying to assure her...or himself. 

~~~~~@~~~~~

_Sakura had lost the Judgment. She was bound, cruciform, from tendrils of one of her most beloved cards. Why? Why? Why would Yukito-san do this to her? Even if this was Yue, there had to be Yukito-san in there, somewhere. Right? _

Was he trapped in there? 

Was he dead? 

When Yue appeared, what happened to Yukito? 

Tears fell from her eyes as she was wrapped up tighter and tighter, and her loss was announced with finality. 

Then the coldest day began. 

No, it wasn't winter. The coldness didn't have anything to do with seasons or temperature. Hearts were colder now. Sakura was caught up in the center of the chill, and she didn't even realize why. 

The day wore on, seeming grayer than any other day in the world. 

"Tomoyo-chan?" 

Her best friend just walked past, smiling slightly, but looking a little puzzled as she did. 

Chiharu pulled Sakura aside. "Sakura-chan, why are you calling that Daidouji snob by her first name?" 

"Hoe?" Confusion. 

"It's not like the two of you have ever been close, and her family is powerful. You don't want to disrespect her!" 

"Not...close...?" 

Sakura woke up with a gasp, minutes before her alarm would have gone off. The dream flew from her mind as she sat up, remembering what day this was. Syaoran would be here in three hours. She had a surprise party to set up; there was no time to try to remember idle dreams. It was a dream of the past anyway, so that meant there were no new threats. Nothing to worry about at all. 

She scurried around the house, getting herself ready, then getting the cards to help her clean and decorate. Friends began to arrive half an hour before, bringing gifts and helping with last minute details. Too soon she got the discreet call from Tomoyo that the two of them were on their way...Tomoyo had generously offered to pick him up herself this time. 

There wasn't a lot that needed to be done, but a mad scramble ensued anyway. Everyone hid except Sakura when they heard the car pull up. She felt a thrill of excited anticipation go through her, and though she tried to think it was because she'd be seeing her love again, she knew better. It was just the party. Her stomach tied in knots, but they weren't pleasant. It wasn't from being in love-- 

The door opened, and she saw Syaoran's loving face. He immediately wrapped her in a hug and she felt herself pull away subtly, avoiding a kiss. This was all wrong. She loved him, she cared about him, and she didn't want to hurt him ever, but there was something missing. The same thing that was missing before. 

It wasn't _that_ kind of love. 

She shot Tomoyo a slightly panicked look over his shoulder, but her best friend had her digital camera recording it all, and only gave Sakura an oblivious thumbs up. Always before it had been Tomoyo that read the little signs and sometimes knew people's emotions before they did themselves. Sakura felt so alone...for the first time ever she felt like she was drowning and in over her head. Her invincible spell couldn't save her this time, this was the happily ever after the Card Mistress was destined for. 

"Welcome back, Syaoran," she whispered in his ear as chaos erupted around them. She plastered on the biggest smile she could, and began to update him excitedly on everything he had missed. No one noticed that a thing was wrong. Why would they? Sakura had never given anyone a reason to doubt that her one true love had always been, and would always be, her darling Syaoran. 


End file.
